A lot of people don’t realize the cost of being transgender in this world. It’s not a monetary cost, but a cost nonetheless. This is the primary reason, we don’t choose to be Trans, this is not a choice, I didn’t choose this. Cost of lost friends, lost family, and lost jobs, who would want pay this entry fee into this exclusive club? The cost of being discriminated against time after time. The cost of being harassed, when you just wanna pee. Losing loved ones, because they can’t take you living your truth. Losing Friends for the same reasons or even worse because they couldn’t take the burden any longer. They lost the will to fight against society, or their families. Losing friends though vicious and violent acts against them because they were Trans. This is the cost we pay for our Truth, and we pay it everyday of our lives. The cost is too great sometimes, but a cost we must endure.

A year ago, I lost a friend, a very dear friend. She was Transgender, like I am, but had the courage and strength to come out long before I did. I watch her blossom into a very beautiful woman. However, she paid dearly to live her truth. The majority of her family shunned her, like she was a leopard or she had a catchy incurable disease. She ran close too 2000 miles away to escape the shame and disgust her family had of her, but it followed her. The family she loved so much, had abandoned her, in her darkest hour. She died feeling alone in this world, not loved by anyone. However, I cared about her, I loved her. She was not alone, because she was my friend. Nobody deserves the cost she paid. The cost of feeling alone and not loved by anyone.

The question remains, isn’t the cost too great to live your truth? Sometimes, it’s very costly and that is a fact we must endure. However, living a lie, is no life. You can’t build a life around a lie, trust me I tried for 36 years. You live in misery, but put on a fake smile. You live even more alone, because you cut yourself off from the world. I can say this after my friend came out as Transgender, she lived a life with far more value and happiness than she ever did before. Her life was far more rich, and being enjoyed by her true friends. I couldn’t save my friend, but I can save myself. I can honor her and every transgender person that has passed away, by living my life, by living my truth. So the cost of living a lie, is far greater and with far worse outcomes.

This article is dedicated to my very dear friend, Meagan. You were not alone and you were loved very much by your true friends in your life. You deserved better. May you rest in peace. I’m glad I got to be part of your life, even though it was far shorter than it ever needed to be. We can remember her, and every Transgender person that has lost their lives, on November 20th, The Transgender Day of Remembrance.

This is my truth and I live it everyday.

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